Motherhood: Rogue Pee and Unconditional Love

Now that I caught up on the trials and tribulations of the last months of my pregnancy and the woes of bearing a child, I can say with absolute certainty that Motherhood is and will forever be the best thing that has ever happened to me. While I still might be a salty, sarcastic and yes, sometimes bitchy, woman; something changed in me the day that Jackson came into this world. I was exhausted after delivery. I hadn't slept in 24 hours and didn't sleep at all for another 48. I looked like a heroin addict by the time I left the hospital. Truth be told, I haven't slept in almost four months but I will say to the death that it is 100% worth it.

My life has changed so significantly that I can't even put it into words. I am so overjoyed and in love, it is sickening. Many of you have seen the over abundance of photos that I post on Facebook and even those are only a handful of what I actually take (you should see my computer). While being a mom is the greatest joy I've experienced in my 27 1/2 years, it is also the hardest job I've ever had. It is 24 hours a day, non-stop nurturing and loving and caring and laundering and soothing and diaper changing and feeding and worrying and crying and smiling and holding-my-nose-for-poopy-diapers, and picture taking, poking-him-while-he's-asleep-to-make-sure-he's-still-breathing, and dodging rogue pee.... Sounds exhausting, doesn't it? I got winded just typing it out. But there is absolutely not a single other thing in this world that I'd rather be doing. Having him has shown me that love at first sight does exist only not in that fairytale way that you dream up as a prepubescent, acne covered, gangly teenager. It's the love between a mother and her child that puts the faith back in your life and makes you realize that it's not all shit on a shingle but rather kind of a miracle that something so little and full of bodily fluids can make you sit back and appreciate the little things. A couple weeks ago, my son woke up around 4:45am and didn't feel like going back to sleep. Now, this is a baby who's been sleeping through the night since 2 1/2 months.. but not on this particular day. I sighed and let out a very long and very loud...UGHHHH! I looked down at little man and watched his smile go from ear to ear. My frustration immediately turned into happiness and after I was done feeling like the worst person in the world, I, too found myself with an ear to ear smile.

That's the thing, I could be having the WORST day known to man (or at least I will insist dramatically that it is the worst day known to man) and all I have to do is look at that little smiling face and somehow it all seems better. For example, I lost my job in February due to some really shitty circumstances (by the way, Jackson - your mommy has the mouth of a sailor! NO CUSSING FOR YOU! - Do as I say, not as I do!) but while taking care of business, I have had to stay positive and happy for my kid. I'm not saying I have done a super job of this and been 100% but I certainly have tried my best and I think I'm allowed a slip here and there...as long as his well-being is always my first priority, I think I'm ok.

I'll wrap this up but I just want to reiterate how much I LOVE being a mom and how excited I am to walk beside this kid for the rest of our life together. Nothing makes me happier than him and nothing makes me want to try harder at being a better person. It's a pretty cool feeling to have such a strong and unconditional love for someone and to look at them and know that they love you back in the same beautiful way. It may sound cheesy but I don't care. It's the first time in my life that I have been truly happy with at least one piece of my life. If being a good mom is the only thing I do right with my life, I will die a happy woman. We have a ways to go before I will feel like I'm doing everything the right way but for right now, he's got my love and devotion and with that, I think the rest will fall into place.

I hope that I can keep up a little better with this here blog because I would love to be able to document my journey with the little guy who made my life better just by being here. :)

He will be 4 months old in 10 days. I can't believe it!

Broken Lady Parts and a baby is born!

I'm no good at this blogging thing. I have honestly been meaning to update this thing for sometime, mainly for my own personal use later on in life but also to share with those who love to take a glimpse into other people's worlds. Social networking is more addicting than cigarettes, dontcha know? Please let me tell you what I'm doing every second of everyday. "Leeanna Marsh just ate a sandwich." "Leeanna Marsh just changed a poopy diaper." "Leeanna Marsh is awake." But seriously... The original purpose of this blog was so that years later I could look back and show Jackson how neurotic his mommy has ALWAYS been and to give him a little bit of an idea of what I was thinking "way back when..."

So - to sum up the rest of my pregnancy since I stopped at 6 1/2 months.... Up until month 8 it was pretty standard. Then came the separated pubic symphasis (on 10/26/11) that put me on bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy. What is separated pubic symphasis, you ask? I always referred to it as my "broken vagina" but really, my pubic bone had a 1cm separation and was completely unaligned. It was, to say the least, a complete shit show. I could barely walk, sometimes not at all, sleeping became a task and the pain was unbearable. It got to the point where I had to BEG the doc to induce. He agreed and set my induction for Tuesday, 12/13/11 at 8pm. Two days before that, I was admitted to the hospital for what I thought was natural labor but it ended up being a kidney stone (woo-fricken-hoo!)

On 12/13/11 at 8:00PM I reported to Lutheran Hospital's new and beautiful labor and delivery unit. Mixed emotions flooded over me but mostly I just wanted to be relieved of the pain and discomfort and I so badly wanted to meet my son. I had a room full of very supportive, anxious and dramatic family; including my Mother, Grandmother, Stacey, Tracey, Stephanie, Stephen, Jennah, and Marissa. While it was mostly OK, there was a bit of drama but it was kept away from me and when things got too tough for the taking, the nurses booted the culprits from the room. About a 1/2 hour later, the contractions began. (skip ahead to "go time") At this point, my full house was a little bit different and my coaching staff consisted of my Mom, Stacey, Tracey, and Kimmy. Jennah, Grandma and Joy watched from the wings. I pushed for about an hour or so and finally the moment I had been waiting 10 months for, was here. I welcomed my beautiful 8lb5oz20inch son, Jackson Harlan Kent, into the world on Wednesday, December 14, 2012 at 4:51pm. My world will never be the same.